


Ivy

by thebriars



Series: climbing vines [2]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Actual Mom!Eliza, Alternate Universe - Magic, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic, Aromantic Angelica, Fluff and Angst, Magic!John, Magic!Laf, Magic!Peggy, Nonbinary Marquis de Lafayette, QPR Herc and Angie, cursing, fite me sketchy mwash is now my life, i'm back bitchessssssssss, oi rosy ur alive, yeaaaah mwash is peggy's sketchy backwater potion ingredient dealer whatcha gonna do about it, yeah shocking right
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-22
Updated: 2018-02-22
Packaged: 2019-02-18 15:56:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 9,723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13103574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebriars/pseuds/thebriars
Summary: (the new and improved version)Alexander hasn't trusted magic for years. Now he's in New York, a hot spot for Charmers and other members of the Underground. Eliza's on a mission to get Alex to love the magic as much as she does, with some assistance from very magical, very enthusiastic friends.we're starting fresh guys and i have a pLOT this timeupdates most likely on sundays (??)ON HIATUS INDEFINITELY (check chapter 10)





	1. Idk Pt. 1

**Author's Note:**

> well hello there welcome to my brain vomit bin. this chapter is a little info chapter. skip to c2 if you don't want to rerad about my worldbuilding angst

hey dudes. it's rosy. i'm alive. i promise that the actual fic has real grammar and shit. however, i don't like capitalizing things, so we're not doing that. 

 

so, this verse. ahhhhhhh this took me forever to build. imagine nyc. everything is the same, pretty much, but theres a small community of people who are different. my savior, And_Penny, asked me questions about the verse on the original fic and i'm copying those here to help clarify the things that make this verse a... verse? 

 

And_Penny

1\. In the first chapter, Alex could feel everyone else's magic even though he has none. Can all non-magic people feel the presence of magic?  
2\. Are charmers discriminated against?  
3\. What other kinds of magic exist in this world?  
4\. Are some kinds of magic more common than others?  
5\. Could you explain a little more about John, Laf, and Peggy's abilities?  
6\. Are all charmers part of the Underground?  
7\. Is magic ability hereditary or random?  
8\. When you say charmers have affinities for things like elements, do you mean periodic elements, Chinese elements, or western elements?  
9\. How is magic channeled? Do you need some kind of object, words, or gestures to use it or do they just think about what they want the magic to do and then it happens? Is it different for different kinds of magic?  
10\. Is this world more or less progressive than ours?

 

thebriars

1\. Yes. Ordinary people can sense magic, almost like a sort of sixth sense thing.  
2\. They used to be, but a movement in the 1930s brought equal rights to members of the Underground.   
3\. Most members of the Underground have an affinity for an element or substance, but some people have much rarer abilities such as being physic or being able to control the weather or, like John, plants or animals. There are also small populations of magical creatures (nymphs, mer, werewolves, vampires). However, they are few and far between and often still face discrimination. Some people (like peggy) have an affinity for a process or practice.   
4\. The most common affinities are if the basic elements- water, fire, air, earth.   
5\. Ya! John can basically control and create plants, sometimes subconsciously (like, he'll grow a vine in his sleep or smthn). Laf is sorta like Hazel from Percy Jackson- gems and stones and rocks. They really like playing around with precious minerals and suck because it's Laf XD. Peggy is kinda like a potions master from Harry Potter- she is really good at whipping up brews and potions and elixers and stuff. Her magic is rare and weaker than most but she likes to make things explode.   
6\. In a way. It's sorta like the LGBTQ+ or Deaf community- technically, yes, but to really be a part of it, you have to be involved. Idk if that makes sense but   
7\. Random, for the most part. Families can have trends of magical children, such as the Schuylers, but entire generations can get skipped. Laf and John are both the first Charmer in many, many generations.   
8\. Kind of... all of them lmao  
9\. It varies. John and Laf both just have to think about it and concentrate, but Peggy needs to use recipes and spells. Other people use runestones or gestures.   
10\. It's basically just modern day with a twist.

 

And_Penny

3\. Are psychic Charmers able to turn on and off their ability? And are magical creatures considered Charmers?  
5\. Can Laf create the gems or do they summon them? Can John (and Laf, if applicable) create things out of nothing, or do they need something to start with (a seed, a grain of salt, etc)?  
7\. If a family has a tendency to produce magical children, how frequent will they be born? Is it like almost all offspring are Charmers, or just one or two per generation, or is it entirely random?  
11\. Will other Schuyler siblings exist in this world?

 

thebriars

3\. Yes. The younger the child, the harder it is for them to control what information they do and do not receive. Around the teen years, phsycic Charmers begin honing their abilities until they're able to pick and choose what info they get and what info they block.   
5\. They can do both, but creating takes a long time and is both physically and mentally exhausting, so they do it rarely. John doesn't need a material to start with, but he does need soil nearby for his plants to draw energy from. Since it's NYC, he often carries some soil with him and keeps a LOT in his apartment.   
7\. Sometimes there will be several generations that produce very few magical offspring, and other times there will be entire sets of siblings that are very powerful.   
11\. Our Schuylers are a little different than in RAGTFY. Peggy is the only biological offspring of Philip and Catherine, and she is therefore the only magical child in the family. Angelica and Eliza were both adopted and so is Katie, the youngest Schuyler. She is a toddler atm. Katie has yet to display signs of magical abilities but it is possible that she could (they first appear around two or three).

 

there's some info on the verse- help me build it up more pls. read on, fair humans. 

 

<3 rosy

 

 


	2. Room 236

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex and Eliza make a trip, Laf likes coffee, John is socially awkward af, and Angie has angst in her soul.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hmmmmmmmmm looks like i'm still here in this hamiltrashcan. enjoy this shitty first chapter.

A quiet pulse seemed to echo from around the door, faint green light shattering the dim hallway. The set of numbers on the wood glimmered gold. Eliza's dark eyes shone, reflecting the glow. Alex tapped his foot against the muffling carpet. The apartment building reeked of magic. He'd never trusted the stuff, not since the witch on Nevis. 

He took a shuddering breath, flicking his gaze up and down the hallway. Gold light at the end, crimson by the stairwell, pale blue just next door. 

Room 263. 

Eliza rubbed his arm comfortingly. He smiled at her, tight-lipped, stilled his foot and pressed his weight down into the navy carpet. 

"It's New York, Alex. Can't hide from it."

"Yeah," Alex breathed. "I know."

Eliza smiled back. It was a smile that Alexander only got from her and his mother. A sad smile, a proud smile. Crinkled eyes, pressed lips. "You'll like him." 

"I  _know_. I know, Eliza." Alex couldn't help it sometimes. He couldn't help the impatience, couldn't help the slight annoyance with how  _nice_ she was. 

She knocked. One, two, three. Solid, real, familiar. 

"It's unlocked!" A soft voice. A voice heavy with magic. The feeling of power coming from the room was almost overwhelming. Alexander pushed down a shiver, pushed down the guttural fear, pushed down the nausea in his throat. 

 

Eliza called something back to the man inside, but Alex couldn't hear her over the blood pounding in his ears. 

He wished it happened slowly, wished that it gave him time to run. Instead, the door was open and a curious vine was winding its way over the wood to them. 

"If there's a vine coming, tell it to fuck off." 

Eliza laughed, throwing her head back a little at the sheer oddness of the situation. "Fuck off," she stuttered. The vine recoiled and wound back to the pot by the door. Alex couldn't help but stare. 

"Does it-?" He gulped. "Does it do that on its own?"

Eliza nodded. "I mean, it's  _charmed_ , but it has a conscious." 

Alex nodded, slow and then rushed. 

"You're  _fine_ , Alex. Come on."

Macramé pots and dangling stands of beads lined the narrow hall, alongside framed snapshots of the city and unfamiliar faces. The soft scent of incense mingled with the heavy feeling of sorcery. A small sand garden sat atop a bookshelf lined with worn leather tomes. Ivy crept over the walls and wrapped down around the frames and strings and stacks upon stacks of herbology books. 

Alexander could've felt at home, surrounded by the green and the clinging humidity and fleeting mist. Except it wasn't an island- it was a small New York apartment surrounded by other Charmers and other smothering powers and Alexander couldn't really breathe. 

A soft hand stroked his forearm and he blinked. 

The magic didn't feel malicious, though. Not like the witch on Nevis. 

He inhaled. Exhaled. Rubbed his thumb into his thigh. Ran a hand over his hair and hoped it lay flat in its ponytail. 

Alexander Hamilton wasn't afraid of magic. 

At least, he wouldn't let himself be. 

 

Laf loved coffee. They loved  _sweet_ coffee, laden with milk and sugar and caramel and fudge, not that shitty dark stuff Angelica liked to drain in the mornings. 

The Adrienne had the best coffee in the city. Besides, it was comforting to be surrounded by other Charmers and Undergrounds, lounging at tall tables and low slung couches. 

They loved the jingle of the charmed bell over the door, tinkling a special little jingle just for them (perhaps they came there too often). They loved the scent of coffee and magic twisting together into something so perfectly familiar. They loved the bright grin from over the counter, the soft voices, the laughter, the glowing ambiance from the orbs bumping against the ceiling. 

"Lafayette!" 

They glanced to see Peggy, wrapped up in her alchemy books, languidly tossing her feet up on a low table from her space in a crimson armchair. 

"Ah, my favorite alcoholic beverage." 

Peggy stuck out her tongue. "Fuck you too, Laf."

"What brings you to this- how you say- humble abode?"

"You don't live here."

"Might as well."

Peggy snorted. Took a sip from her mug. Dog-eared a page. Took another sip. "How's the boyfriend?"

"John is good. He is working on that silly plant of yours." Laf toyed with the hem of their shirt. 

"My plant is not  _silly_ ," Peggy gasped, incredulous and overdramatic. 

"A six-month plant in a week?"

"It's John; he can do it." 

"Peggy," Laf chided. 

"Yeah, yeah, I'm sorry. My client's pushy." 

"So is mon coeur's."

Peggy grinned. "Get your coffee, dumbass."

 

John felt it coming. He felt the low tingle in his chest, the buzzing in his fingertips, the throb of the world around him. 

He closed his eyes. Settled down into the couch. Reached out for the sprout he had cradled in a coffee mug. 

 

It was  _coming._  It was almost there. He just needed to push a little harder, pull a little longer. 

 _So close._ There and yet just out of reach. It felt like he was grabbing blindly for a tiny string, fumbling in the darkness for purchase. John knew where it was- just feet in front of him- but it kept shifting and moving and he couldn't quite get a grip. He couldn't find it, couldn't bring it all tumbling down. 

John was nearly there. He could feel the adrenaline building up in his blood stream like water before a dam. The uneasiness of the sky and ocean before a hurricane. He'd only ever found one way to describe the feeling, and even then, it wasn't quite right. 

Laf understood, though. 

So, so close. 

He gritted his teeth. Squeezed his eyes tighter. 

A knock on the door. 

John had to bite down hard on his tongue to keep from cursing. The feeling receded. The mist pooling around him sank to the floor, dissipating with the adrenaline rush. 

He bit back another curse. "It's unlocked!"

"Mmkay!" Eliza's voice. He smiled. Quiet voices just beyond the door, the click of the knob turning, and footsteps into the hall. 

John worked on pulling the mist back. He found that it unsettled people- not being able to see things. "If there's a vine coming," he called, "tell it to fuck off." 

Eliza's tinkling laughter, her hesitant response, and a male voice asking if the vine had a mind of its own. Eliza answered for him. 

John slipped off of the sofa, having drawn the mist back into an orb (for the most part), and starting down the hall. 

"Hi," he said, hoping that he didn't sound too shy. Eliza had called him the evening before, asking if she could bring a friend over. Not the best warning nor the best time frame for gloriously socially awkward John Laurens to get a grip on himself.  _Breathe, Laurens. Nothing is wrong._

"John!" 

Eliza in his arms, her perfume heavy in his head. His own laughter broke the fuzz in his ears- the symptoms of

"Hey, Schuyler. Got any brownies?"

"Get your ass over to my place and I can give you some." 

John glanced up. A short, vaguely angry man with intelligent eyes in his hallway. Hesitance in the way he glanced around, wariness in his fidgeting hands. An emptiness like Eliza's- no magic. John smiled carefully over Eliza's shoulder. 

"I'm John."

He cleared his throat. "Hamilton. Alexander Hamilton."

"Can I call you Alex?"

"Not yet."

John raised his eyebrows but nodded regardless. Eliza still hadn't let go and he could feel her mirth in his shoulder as she patted his back. 

"Long time, no see, Laurens."

"Honestly, I haven't seen anyone other than Peggy and Laf for a while."

"Is it her stupid plant?"

"No," John laughed. "Well, not completely. There's other stupid plants too." 

“You need to get away from the stupid plants.” Eliza slipped back down to the ground, smiling with tight lips and a furrowed brow- a special, reassuring smile that Eliza whipped out when she needed to turn into the ultimate mom friend.

John wished he didn’t know that smile as well as he did.

 

It was only 10 in the morning, but Angie had already decided that her day was going to be shitty. Herc had slept in, so she had no one to complain to about her coffee mishap and her stubbed toe.

She decided to take out her frustration on her laptop.

Tapping furiously over the keyboard was helping, but not much. Angelica wished that her gym was open on Sundays. She wanted to sprint or punch something.

Herc flicked her shoulder. “What’d that computer do to you?”

“Oh. You’re awake.”

“Yeah.” He flopped dramatically onto the couch beside Angie, sighing and staring mournfully at the ceiling.

“What’s gotten into you?” Angie patted his calf with more force than necessary. She’d never been good at comfort.

“I can’t think of anything to _make_.”

“You’re goddamn Hercules Mulligan and you can sew anything. Make me a Halloween costume or something.”

“You don’t like Halloween.”

“Make John a costume, then. He loves that shit.”

“John’s used the same damn costume since I met him, Angie. He’s not gonna change.”

They sat in comfortable silence for a moment- a mix of friendship and something more allowing them the simply _be_ together.

Angie didn’t think she could have chosen a better partner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also, besides worldbuilding questions, do yall want to do smthn down in the comments? i really loved interacting with everyone in the RAG series and i want to keep on doing that, so leave a suggestion. maybe i ask you questions instead of vice versa? 
> 
> anywhooooooo love you all
> 
> \- rosy


	3. Moonberry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex tries to assert dominance over someone he's afraid of by challenging him to a battle-of-the-wits while Eliza freaks out in the bathroom. Peggy is most assuredly NOT crushing illegal tablets of charmed sleeping powder in a cafe. 
> 
> chapter is kinda short u have been warned also lots of dialogue bc characterizatioN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii we back
> 
> i don't know what an update schedule is it would seem

John found the cold marble of the countertops comforting- steady and sure as he tried to remember the breathing Laf had taught him. He felt raw and vulnerable and shaky after having everything so close, crawling just under his skin, and then to have it be forced back down.

Great.

It was one of those rare moments where John wished Eliza hadn’t come.

But it was hard to be mad at Eliza- impossible, actually, especially when John could tell that she was desperate. Not only were her texts rambling and hard to understand, but the way she was clinging to John’s every touch and Alexander’s every movement send little anxious shivers down John’s spine.

Something about a witch and Alexander and an island and a fear.

Not something John was particularly useful around, but Eliza insisted that Peggy was not helpful under any circumstances and Laf’s flirty personality would not aide in her quest.

So, it was him.

Him and the cold counter beneath his hands.

What was he there for? _Drinks_. Right. John fumbled through their cabinets for glasses, through the fridge for a few cokes (John didn’t drink and Eliza was a tried-and-true lightweight, so the few beers Laf kept for themself and company were out of the question). Water was boring and milk was awkward.

Ice and Pepsi and frosty glasses. John passing through the heavy curtain of beads into the living room.

Alexander lifted an eyebrow, his distrust clear in the way he sat gingerly. John had heard Eliza hissing at him minutes earlier about _the damn couch is not poisonous, Alex, oh my god_.

“Did you charm the drinks?”

“What?” John stepped back after he handed Eliza a glass, who grimaced at the comment and sipped quietly.

“I said, did you charm the drinks?”

John spluttered. “Why on earth would I do that?”

Alexander shrugged, pointedly ignoring the glass John had offered in order to meet his eyes in a strange dance of stubborn stares. Dark chocolate against glimmering amber. “You might have an ulterior motive.”

“I’m sorry, but I don’t think I’m understanding-.”

“Please don’t play dumb.”

Eliza excused herself to go to the bathroom, sending pointed looks at John.

“I’m not playing dumb,” John scoffed. “Why do you think I would charm the drinks?”

If Alexander was going to play the game like that, John would too. Besides, Eliza mentioned that Alexander was a fucking genius with a flawed psyche (whatever that meant). Was this his way of sizing John up? Figuring out his nooks and crannies?

Alexander shrugged again. “You tell me.”

“What kind of a comeback is that?”

“It’s not a comeback. I don’t think we’re having a comeback type of conversation.”

“Well, geez, had me fooled, because you’ve got to be joking.”

Alexander narrowed his eyes. John couldn’t tell if he was preparing for battle or stepping back to reassess. Perhaps that was what Eliza meant by “fundamentally wily and hard to read”. Or maybe “incredibly difficult, but only because his walls are harder to break than Laf’s coffee addiction”.

He seemed to have bounced back. “Why did you take so long in the kitchen if you were only getting drinks?”

John set the two remaining glasses down and crossed his arms. He hoped it came across as more cocky than defensive. “Actually, I was trying to stop myself from breaking down because your arrival interrupted me during a session.”

Something flashed over Alexander’s face. Something unreadable. “What do you mean by session?”

“A…” John struggled for the right words. “It’s where I call it out. To charm something. Which happened to be a plant because that’s _what I can charm_. I’m not some damn Pepsi Charmer.”

Alexander sat back. Something that might have been a smirk teased his mouth.

“You’re smart, John Laurens.”

 

Peggy was crushing tablets against the cover of her alchemy book, tongue caught between her teeth. She’d bought them from her backwater dealer. Her potion called for _a healthy dose of the finest of pressed moonberry_. John hadn’t known what moonberry was, much less how to grow it, which made much more sense once Peggy researched it and found out that it was actually a strong sedative banned in 1752.

Great.

John had been happy, having gone existential for a week after thinking that his incredibly vast and supposedly complete knowledge of plants had been challenged.

Peggy, on the other hand, had groaned loudly and slammed her head down onto one of Angelica’s horribly gigantic biographies.

It hurt. It hurt like a motherfucker.

So, she had traveled to the sketchiest back alleys of Brooklyn in search of Aunt Martha.

Aunt Martha was a gaunt old lady with chipped teeth and a single glass eye- a remnant of a time gone bye in which Charmers had been just as eccentric as the lasting stereotypes. She boarded in the top apartment of a building that looked as though it had dropped down from the moon after being mashed together from various Victorian-style English buildings.

Peggy hated the apartment and it’s dust covered jars of pickled bugs and stacks upon stacks of discarded newspapers.

Aunt Martha was also a paper hoarder.

But, she was the only one Peggy knew to carry banned materials and substances for desperate potion masters such as herself.

She’d gotten back from Aunt Martha’s only a few hours before, and now she was carefully crushing the moonberry tablets into fine dust and splicing it out into little baggies with her credit card.

Laf was looking at her strangely.

“I promise they’re not drugs.”

“I hope not. Weed is fine. Cocaine is… shitty.” They gestured off into the air in a series of movements that Peggy interpreted as “very, very, pointless and shitty”.

“I know. This is moonberry. Got it from Aunt Martha.”

“Angie told you not to go back to her.”

“Yeah, so shut your mouth or I’ll tell John about that time you relayed all of your nightly activities to Aaron Burr and blackmailed him into keeping quiet because John would have a heart attack and die-.”

“Peggy, shut up!” Laf glanced around nervously. “That was one time, mon dieu.”

Peggy grinned. “Alright.”

“But didn’t you say moonberry was illegal?”

“Yeah, it’s been banned for… 265 years?”

_“Margarita Schuyler!”_

“Lafayette!”

Their table grew quiet for a minute as Peggy carefully scraped her crushed tablets into a baggie.

“Besides, it’s been underground for so long that nobody remembers it exists. Fuck, fuck, dropped some- did you know that one-eighth of a teaspoon of this shit could knock you out for three years? Undiluted, of course, but I’ll be mixing it with some other stuff.”

Laf had stood, their coffee cup empty and in need of a refill. It might have also had something to do with the eleven tablets of this-could-definitely-kill-you moonberry being crushed on Peggy’s book. “Great, fun, tu es fou!”

Peggy called pitifully after them. “What does that _mean_?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so alex is scared of john bc magiccccc but his way of dealing with that is arguments if that section made no sense. also aunt martha is mwash btw
> 
> question of the chapter: if you could be any character in a musical, who would you be?
> 
> answer of the chapter: probs john bc i can sing in his range and i love him soooOO
> 
> hmu down below bois love u all


	4. The Adrienne

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John wants to stab something, Charles Lee gets fired, Angie doesn't like to socialize, Alex is... Alex, and Eliza is a tired mom friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there is no plot in this chapter u have been warned

Laf glanced up from their book as the bell over the door jingled. Something tingled at the back of their conscious, which fell into place when they found John’s eyes in the doorway.

“I want to fucking stab something.”

Laf blinked. “Um, want to tell me what… what happened?”

John settled into the stool beside them and dropped his head on Laf’s shoulder. “Oh god, Laf. Eliza brought her friend over and we did _not_ click.”

“’m sorry, mon chou.”

Peggy snorted from across the table, then promptly forced a sneeze to avoid inhaling her moonberry powder. Laf rolled their eyes.

John sat up, rubbed at his eyes, and sighed. “I’m getting food.”

“Angie said Herc was dragging her out of the apartment in a little bit,” Peggy said offhandedly.

“How does he plan to do that?”

Peggy snorted again before clasping her hands over her mouth in horror and forcing a sneeze again. Laf sighed. John was lounging at the counter as what appeared to be a huldra took his order. Dolley’s high pitched voice was flowing from the kitchen, seeming to be arguing furiously with another employee. Laf watched Peggy scrape more of her moonberry into a baggie, tongue held between her teeth in concentration.

Dolley stormed out to the register and called loudly over John’s head. “We’re hiring!” The surly barista Laf remembered as Charles Lee from freshman year followed after her, throwing his blue apron to the floor.

“I quit!”

Laf grinned. They’d been waiting for a chance like this. Ever since Angelica had nagged about their current state of unemployment, they’d been lying in wait for an opening at the Adrienne. John threw a glance over his shoulder and a thumbs up, which they readily returned.

 

After nearly dragging Angelica down the stairs, Herc found himself arguing with her about whether sunny weather was depressing or cheery. He elbowed her playfully in the shoulder, which led to a solid whack to the bicep, starting a strange and unexplainable chain of events that ended with Angelica lounging on Herc’s back as he shoved open the Adrienne’s door.

Peggy snorted violently before sneezing as though she’d inhaled a poisonous substance. John only lifted an eyebrow and went back to complaining to Laf and eating a sandwich.

Herc dropped Angie ungracefully onto an armchair and headed straight for their regular table, ignoring Angelica’s pitiful _“Hey!”_.

“Do you know,” he panted, “how _fucking hard_ it is to get your sister out of her office?” He pointed an accusatory finger at Peggy, who lifted her hands in innocence.

“Not my idea.”

Herc collapsed into a chair beside Peggy. Angelica cursed as she struggled to lift herself from the low-slung armchair. Herc took pity and stood to pull her up.

 

Alexander had returned to his own apartment after parting ways with Eliza, his head spinning. The magic of John’s apartment lay heavy in the back of his throat. It clung to his fingertips and pulled his feet down towards the ground. It dripped from him slowly and rolled from him in waves.

It kept bringing him back to Nevis, which was the last place he wanted to be.

Eliza had been horribly wrong. God, he loved her, but she saw something in him that he knew didn’t exist. She thought that she could stitch up the holes in his heart, but Alex knew better.

But still, he kept coming back to John’s shock and John’s narrowed eyes. John only seemed hostile because Alexander challenged him.

He kept smashing all of his opportunities. Alex cursed, dropping his head heavily onto the arm of the couch, rolling onto his back and wishing desperately for the day to start again. He’d call Eliza, tell her he was sick, and fend off her doubtfulness with forced sneezes and a halfheartedly raspy voice.

John was sticking to him, clinging to every inch of his skin, thick and foreign. Even though John’s magic admittedly felt different from the witch’s, it was still the same stuff.

In the end, neither could be trusted.

 

Tea and a scone and an episode of The Office and a quiet afternoon- everything Eliza needed. She’d hunkered down in John’s bathroom as he and Alex battled it out. They were both too witty for their own good, she decided, and she smiled.

It had gone better than she thought it would, if she were to be honest. Alexander hadn’t stormed from the apartment in the middle of a tense conversation, John hadn’t thrown them from his home in a fit of passion, and Eliza hadn’t melted straight into the floor. Her plan had seemed fine at one point, even though Peggy and Angie had disagreed from the beginning, but as she sat awkwardly in John’s once welcoming living room, she had wanted nothing more than to keel over on the spot.

Eliza sipped her tea and made all the appropriate comments on the show to the empty room. Peggy had sailed off to the Adrienne under suspicious circumstances, but Eliza did have to concede that she was a legal adult who could fuck around with whatever weird potions she wanted to. Angelica and Herc and gone radio silent for a few days, which usually meant they were both down deep in their projects. John had stated that Laf had done the same.

Though Eliza loved the little café, she did feel out of place there. Angie and Herc had both agreed, though Peggy insisted that they were perfectly welcome.

Sometimes it was nice to just have a few hours to herself. Her blog didn’t write itself, and she spent most days burrowed in the corners of the online community.

Eliza watched the time tick by, the sun creeping lower and lower until the apartment was bathed in rosy light and she was inching closer to the next season of the show. Peggy came in at some point and ordered a pizza, citing a lack of motivation to cook (even though it was Peggy’s night and Eliza always actually used the kitchen on her nights, but whatever).

Angie texted that she and Herc were going out to drink with Laf and John, told her she was turning into a boring old lady when Eliza declined the offer to join, and then sent a video of Laf and John dancing terribly followed by some heart emojis.

Eliza grinned.

A good end to a terrible day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hmmmmm i am eliza 
> 
> also, i watched tfa and tlj in the space of 12 hours and threw myself headfirst into the stormpilot pit so theres that
> 
> qotc: favorite star wars ships and why? be warned, there may be spoilers
> 
> my answer: STORMPILOT GET FUCKED THEY ARE TOO CUTE AND PURE AND JOHN AND OSCAR AGREE YISSSSSSSSS but seriously so much chemistry. also finn and rey have a sHIT TON of potential as cool queerplatonic space buddies fight me. jedistormpilot is also pure and good
> 
> anywaaayyyyyyy love yall have an aWESOME WEEK


	5. Idk Pt. ROSY WTF

hmm

rosy

where the fUCK HAVE U BEEN

 

heyyy dudes let me start this off by saying I am v mad right now at my laptop for being a lil bitch and at myself for also being a lil bitch

 

basically a few things happened-

 

1\. my laptop and source of the next chapters draft decided to do a lil john laurens on me and die. currently trying to resurrect it with the power of black magic Satan and Best Buy bUT it may not get back in working order for a few days. 

2\. i am right in the middle of finals and are therefore fucking dying 

3\. it's showwwws bitchesss which means I've been at school from 7 to 10:30 for four days yaaAy 

4\. and it's competition season for some shit I'm involved in

therefore I was unable to get a chapter up last weekend. so, I was like "it's cool, it's cool, next week I'll get some extra stuff up and explain everything" 

 

WELL GUESS WGAT DIDNT FUCKING HAPPEN YALL LOOKIN @ YOU LAPTOP

 

so

 

expect shit up next week and yell at me in the comments 

 

ahhhghghg love y'all sorryyy 

 

<333 rosy 


	6. Matchmaker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some snipets of insight into everyday life, Thomas Jefferson makes an entrance, and Laf is a matchmaker. 
> 
> ooOo another filler chapter?!? nothing actually happens here but the next chapter will have plot I promise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeet I'm back 
> 
> actually typed this on my phone bc the laptop is not cooperating

angel: Peggy I stg

tequila: what now

angel: I'm going to fucking murder you there is month old brew in the fridge

tequila: oh that

tequila: don't touch it u might die

angel: WHAT THE FUCKK

tequila: I'm kidding I'm kidding it's love potion

angel: pegGY THATS ILLEGAL

tequila: I know that's why it's month old and in the fridgee

angel: I really am gonna murder u

angel: watch ur back

tequila: oooO scary

\---

  
lizard: alex if u don't get ur ass down here I will hurl u into the sea

ham: chilllll I'm on my way

lizard: no ur not find my friends says ur at home

ham: Eliza what the hell

lizard: don't judge me I'm a mom

ham: I got that

ham: can u pls tell john that I will never be returning and he can take his weird plants far away from me

lizard: no

ham: eLIZZZZZAAA

lizard: no I will get angie to drag u from ur dorm

ham: I will practice my karate skills if that happens

lizard: hoe don't do it

\---

laffy: johnohnohnhjn

laur: what

laur: aren't u working

laffy: shift is over heading home

laffy: I met a lady

laur: and

laffy: I am going to be setting her up with Eliza

laur: this is a horrible idea

laffy: nO ok u know that pretty huldra barista

laur: yeahh

laffy: I want her to marry Eliza

laur: babe what the hell

\---

maria: hey Laf

laffy: bonjour listen r u single

maria: Laf i like the ladies

laffy: I for one am not single

maria: ohh

laffy: but I can make u Not Single too

maria: no

maria: u are not setting me up

laffy: whoops

maria: I DONT LIKE BLIND DATES LAF NO

\---

zacefron: angieee u left your papers all over my sewing table

angel: oops

zacefron: is that an im sorry oops or a hmm oh well oops

angel: both?

zacefron: hnnnghghn

\---

Thomas Jefferson had seen some shit. Living for hundreds of years meant you _had_ to have seen some weird, horrible, and frankly scarring things, but nothing had come as close to driving him over the edge than Alexander.

Alex Hamilton was the absolute epitome of weird shit.

The library was Thomas' haven- quiet and elegant with soaring gothic windows and rows upon rows of bookshelves. He often found himself tucked away in an armchair with his nose buried in some musty toms, filling his head with visions of beautiful seascapes and mountains.

He'd been to those places before. Endless time translated into endless travels. Nevertheless, Thomas had returned to New York for the birth of this new century and for the company of an old friend.

But his library haven was now interrupted by the strange force of nature that had blown into his solitary corner one day.

Alexander fucking Hamilton.

"Can you... not mutter?" Thomas hissed. He twisted uncomfortably in order to glare at the man sitting next to him.

Hamilton didn't even glance up. "Fuck off, Jefferson."

"Sweet Jesus." Thomas slammed his book closed with the maximum amount of noise he dared generate within the confines of a library. "You're insufferable. And how many cups of coffee have you had, by the way?"

"Four," he said, eyes still locked on the notepad and pen still scribbling away. Thomas sighed.

His phone pinged from his duffel bag.

  
jemmy: ok here's the deal

tjeffs: that's never a good thing

jemmy: I was coming home and there was a cat on the front steps

tjeffs: I've always wanted a cat

jemmy: good bc he's on our couch with me now

jemmy: catselfie.jpg

tjeffs: I'm cOMING HOME RIGHT NOW

\---

Laf was a matchmaker. It was that simple. They'd set up Thomas and James (or at least pushed them from friends to lovers), they'd set up John and themselves, and now they were setting up Maria and Eliza.

They'd told this much to both of them.

"I am the one true Cupid in New York, Maria. Trust me. _Je suis le maître de l'amour_." They crouched to sweep under the cabinets for crumbs. Maria groaned from her place on a chair, efficiently dusting the dangling lights. Her tail flicked out to toddle Laf's ponytail.

"You're crazy. Besides, dates don't go well for me."

"Why do you say that? You are a wonderful girl."

Maria shrugged. "Most people think I'm luring them in for sex. Or that anything they might feel for me is an illusion. Or that I'm actually a murderer-."

"Oui, yes, I understand now," Laf said quickly, flapping an impatient hand. They stood and lounged against the counter, dust pan in hand. "I promise that she will not think these things."

"Oh, really?" Maria jumped down from the chair.

"I swear on my shifts that she is reasonable."

"Are you insinuating a deal?"

"What?"

"If the date goes well, I'll take over one of your shifts. If the date is a shit show, you take one of mine. Deal?" Maria stuck out a hand. Laf narrowed their eyes and grinned.

"Deal."

 

Eliza was much easier to wear down.

"- _suis le maître de l'amour_ -."

"Okay, okay, I'll go!" Eliza giggled and gave them a friendly punch to the bicep.

"Good. She is very beautiful and smart... I think you will adore her."

"Tell me more," Eliza said, bouncing in her spot on the couch.

"She is a huldra- you had better not mind- and she has long brown curls and perfect red lipstick..."

 

John and Alex were getting nowhere. Alex picked fights and John usually ended growing a small thorny bush in the corner somewhere from his frustration.

Eventually, sometime in the dazed early morning darkness, John made a decision. This had to go somewhere. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> John's plants respond to his emotions. also, tjeffs is around 500 years old at this point. 
> 
> qotc: if you had to listen to the same album for the rest of your life, what would it be?
> 
> aotc: too weird to live, too rare to die bc every song is sO GOOD and there are songs for all my moods


	7. Black Market

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laf stumbles upon Alex and John in the midst of whatever the fuck they are doing, Eliza and Maria set a time, our southern motherfucking democratic republicans meet up, and herc and angie are the platonic domestic dream

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey i met my word count thats neatttttt

The apartment was unusually silent.

Laf was used to coming home to a blaring speaker and John dancing around the kitchen, back from his shift at the bookstore and a fresh batch of plants crowding the coffee table. 

It made them nervous.

“John? Mon amour?”

The answering silence made their stomach churn uncomfortably. They crept down the hall, footsteps silent against the thick oriental carpet. A quick turn into the living room nearly brought them to peals of laughter in awkward and unprecedented relief.

John and Alexander, sitting across from each other where the table usually was (it was shoved haphazardly under the window), legs crossed, and eyes closed. Small vines were wrapping slowly around Alexander’s tense hands. Laf smiled and dropped quietly to the ground as well, reaching out to touch John’s knee.  

A pair of gold eyes flew open and a small smile crinkled their corners. Laf pressed a quick kiss to John’s cheek and rose to pad off to the kitchen. _Best of luck, mon chou._

 

Alex wanted to rip the vines from his hands and jump out the window. He could feel them, not only crawling over his skin, but seeping into his veins and tangling up through his fingers and hands and arms all the way up to squeeze his heart.

It made him feel like every muscle and joint in his body hadn’t been stretched in years, like his head was spinning and his heart was closing in on itself.

It felt like the hurricane.

But John didn’t stop. He kept letting the vines climb higher and higher and higher. Alex bit his lip and closed his eyes, focusing on the ground beneath him and the air around him and the man before him.

Not the vines.

But then it was too much, too much, and Alex jumped up and ripped the vines from his fingers. John gasped at the sudden disconnection, eyes narrowing as his carefully constructed vines fell to the floor.

“I can’t fucking do that, Laurens.” He threaded his hands through his hair and tugged, as if that could rip memories from his head and feelings from his skin.

“Well, damn, you could have told me that rather than _ripping my plants off of your hands_. I though we were getting somewhere!” John slammed his hands down and pushed himself up from the ground. He only had a few inches on Alex, but, in the moment, he felt miles taller.

“Shit, I can’t, it’s too invasive!”

“How is that invasive? Fucking hell, Hamilton.”

“Listen, I’m only here because Eliza is making me, so either you give up on me now or you accept that whatever you’re doing is not going to do anything,” Alex growled, feeling defensive.

“Alex-,” John started.

“- _xander­,”_ Alex corrected.

“I could do this if you’d just tell me what you’re so afraid of!”

 

Laf heard silence from the living room after John’s outburst. They stopped their onion chopping and pressed their back against the wall beside the curtain of beads, listening for any sort of retort from either party. The strange mix of a longing for gossip and a wish for John to not get involved meshed into a morbid call to eavesdrop.

“I’m not afraid,” Alexander whispered. Footsteps down the hall, a door opening and shutting in rapid succession, and John’s loud sigh in the stillness.

The beads swished with a fury that matched the way John stomped into the kitchen.

“I swear, Laf, I don’t know what to do.” He crashed into their chest, arms tight around their waist. Laf answered the needy hug with a quick kiss and a comforting smile.

“Do you want me to try? I don’t think Eliza will let him turn away.”

John huffed. “You can if you want to.”

“Alright.”

“I’m done with this shit,” John grumbled. “What’s for dinner?”

 

\---

 

maria: hi I believe that laf has set us up

 

lizard: hey!

 

maria: I mean,,, I’m single and free whenever if you want to go through with this

 

lizard: ditto

 

lizard: I only spend time with my sisters and our weird loser friends so if u want to Spice It Up a bit I’d be down for whatever

 

maria: lol me too

 

maria: ummmm do u know jack’s?

 

lizard: maybe? is that the diner up the road from the Adrienne

 

maria: yep!

 

maria: jack’s next Friday at six?

 

lizard: it’s a date 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i had to make some changes to the last chapter in order to Make a Plot (i changed the last sentence that's really it) 
> 
> also burr, mads, and tjeffs are black market moguls and i am so dOWN 
> 
> qotc: what are your opinions on bugs?
> 
> aotc: there is currently a bug on my curtains and i think i'm gonna have a heart attack so if that says anything then that's my opinion
> 
> ALSO CONGRATS TO LIN AND VANESSA WHOOO


	8. The Actual Black Market

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO
> 
> SO  
> SOSOSOSO
> 
> basically ao3 screwed me over and dIDNT POST THE END OF THE CHAPTER????
> 
> yeah so the last chapter had like 2 more sections and a couple hundred more words and it just didn't post and now im screammmingnngng 
> 
> anyway so this is the end of the last chapter and the next chapter will be up before noon i promise

James Madison had a vampire boyfriend.

Of course, he figured that dating the same species was only logical, but _still_. He could practically hear the fangirl screeches.

And, not only was his boyfriend a vampire, but a _sexy as hell_ vampire. Who was also smart. And sweet. Also, they were both a little bit loaded.

Which led them to where they were, sitting around the dining room table, silhouetted against gigantic windows and a spectacular cityscape view, waiting for Aaron Burr.

“Is he ever going to show up?” Thomas was getting impatient.

“He’s not supposed to be here for another ten minutes, Tommy.”

“On time used to mean early.”

“Oh my _god_ , don’t do this again,” James laughed.

“Ahh, back in my day, a penny went a mile and a train was a plane,” Thomas reminisced, lounging in his chair with an air of cockiness and complete confidence, a sly grin on his face as James dissolved into peals of stifled giggles. Their new cat (named Dolley) lounged across his shoulders and kneaded her paws into his vest.

 A knock on the door brought them from their lull. Thomas rose to let Burr in while James straightened his tie.

“Gentlemen.”

“Burr.”

Terse nods and sidelong glances and stiff handshakes passed and the three found themselves at the table, Burr’s fingers pyramided and his index finger resting against his lips. Thomas tapped lightly on the table.

James hid his grin behind a masterful poker face.

Black market deals didn’t require emotion.

 

“What are you doing?”

“My machine,” Hercules grunted from under the table, “has a new tendency to break needles in half.”

“Oh.” Angie shrugged and skirted around a pile of fabric to join Herc in his search for the shattered needle.

“Thanks.”

“I just don’t want to get stabbed.”

“How are the sisters?” Herc held up one half with triumph. “Gotcha!”

“Eliza has a date with a hot girl next Friday and I think Peggy is brewing a weird and probably illegal potion in her room. What about Laf and John? I haven’t talked with them lately.” Angelica spotted a glimmering piece of metal, but it turned out to be one half of a snap (Herc took it gladly anyways).

“John is squabbling with Alexander twenty-four/seven and Laf is getting along well at the Adrienne. Check by your pinky- I think I see it.”

Herc was correct and the needle was discarded. It was Angie’s night for dinner duty, but she had wimped out and ordered from the Thai place down the road.

They ended up tangled on the couch, watching old Audrey Hepburn movies and sword fighting with chopsticks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh also if this part of the chapter was actually there and ao3 is just fucking with my head please tell me


	9. A Catch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex asks a question, Eliza is freaking out, Maria is waiting for her date, Laf and John are In Love, and James loves the money.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oiiiiiiiiiii heres a real chapter

Alex found Thomas at the library. Sunlight from the soaring windows cast angular shadows across his face, giving him the appearance of a Disney villain, and by God was that how he _spoke_.

“Listen, Hamilton, I’m not interesting in helping you solve your sexual frustration or something,” he drawled, a smirk rising over the top of his book.

“Why are you reading Dante? That’s basically self-insert historical fanfic.”

Thomas shrugged. “It’s more important to be informed than to be classy.”

Alex scoffed. “Coming from _you_?”

Somehow, casual library squabbles had grown into a full-blown rivalry, which had morphed into a sort of battle of wits and quips. Alex propped his bag up against the leg of a chair and crossed his arms in defiance.

“Jefferson, I need your help. And _not_ along the lines of sexual frustration, by the way.”

“I have a feeling that’s a bitch-ass lie, Hammy.”

“Would you _shut_ _up_?” It came out as less of a snap and more of a plea, which led Thomas to glance up in confusion. Alex ran a hand over his face and sighed, rubbing lingering sleep from his eyes. “You’re on the market, aren’t you?”

“Excuse you, I have a nice boyfriend and a cat, so-.”

“No, I mean the _market_.”

“Oh. Yeah, what are you looking for? A sleeping potion? Stress relief?”

“I thought those were legal.”

Thomas tapped his temple with a grin. “Some of them, but not the good stuff.”

“Actually, I need you to wipe my memory.”

“All of it?” Thomas raised a brow. Alex figured that he was used to weird questions, but memory wiping had to be rare.

“No, just part.”

“Do you realize how serious that is?”

Alex paused. “I hope so.”

Thomas shrugged. “I can get it, but it’ll take a month or so.”

“I feel like that’s a lie.”

“Oh, it is, but for good reason. I’m giving you time to reconsider.”

Alex bit his lip and flexed his fingers, an old nervous tick, and watched the shadows of clouds pass over the stone floor. The dreamy orange glow of the sun reminded him of sunsets on Nevis, which brought him back to _her_ and _then_ and _there_.

Yeah, he wanted to forget.

“How much?”

“Are you sure?”

“Dead.”

 

The sunset was glowing orange on the horizon. Peggy watched it, mesmerized with the bright colors and surreal vibrancy.

“Please tell me this works.”

She jerked her attention back to Eliza, who was standing nervously in the door of her closet, hands nervously clenching and unclenching.

“I like the colors,” Herc commented from his place on the floor, Angie’s legs tossed over his shoulders from her position on the bed.

“Flattering, chic, and altogether delightful.”

“Are you _sure_? Laf told me she’s absolutely gorgeous.”

“So are you, ‘liza. Now turn, I want to see the rest.” Angie inspected the dress’s deep plunge to the small of her sister’s back.

Peggy turned back to the sunset.

 

Maria’s leg bounced; up and down and up and down and up and down again.

She hoped she looked nice- hair brushed out until the curls very nearly turned into frizz, her dress cut on one side up to her thigh to allow her tail out, her mother’s locket secure around her neck and a table for two.

It was a nice place- dancing on the border between fancy and casual. Maria was comfortable wearing a floor length dress as long as it was flowy, and the food was just expensive enough to not seem cheap (but also not blow her wallet).

Jack’s was perfect- at least, it was to Maria.

The door swung open, but it was a tall man rather than the girl Laf had pointed out in pictures. Maria glanced back over at the mural painted over white brick next to the kitchen.

This was the hub for the Underground. The Adrienne was a few blocks down and the apartments across the street from Jack’s catered specifically to charmers and the melee of creatures in the area. Jack’s itself was known for being a good place to eat out if you were specifically Not Human. The Underground’s original NYC bookstore and the Greenwich Alchemist Shoppe where just a street over and, if you looked hard enough, there were runes everywhere. The streets and buildings reeked of magic.

It was their playground.

Laf had said that Eliza didn’t have the magic, but her sister did. They had also said that Eliza was a sweetheart with a psychology degree and a winning smile and a tinkling laugh and-

The door opened.

She was there.

 

“Alright, cheddar or mozzarella?”

“Both.”

John laughed. “Both it is.”

Sunset bathed their kitchen in stunning orange, giving Laf’s highlight a mystical shimmer. They had their hands outstretched, concentrating on the metal trashcan across the room.

“What exactly are you doing anyway?”

“I want to make it fly.”

“Fly?”

“Oui. Float, fly, same thing.”

“You’re silly.”

“Oui!” Laf flashed a grin and John felt his old blush creep up his neck. It reminded him of their banter after those early dates. Damn, how many years now? Laf whooped as their trashcan began to rise from the ground. John laughed and turned away from the onion he was chopping to watch.

Their apartment was the apple of his eye- Laf always protested this statement before John reminded them that they were his diamond in the rough. It had taken months of searching and sleepless nights for John to settle on the perfect place- not something that was going to blow his budget but something that checked nearly all of the boxes. Close to the Adrienne? Check. Second floor? Check. Good view? Check. Magic-friendly building? Check.

He loved the way the halls reeked of magic and how the air hung heavy with raw power. He loved the view over rooftops to the tower on 6th street and how the Adrienne was only a few blocks over and how Laf loved it too.

“How’s the Adrienne? I feel like I haven’t asked much.”

“Bien! Maria is a good manager and the customers are sweet.” Laf clenched their fists and let the trashcan drop, slipping from their perch on the counter to wrap arms around John’s waist.

“Je t’aime.”

“Te amo tambien.”

 

Eliza found herself lost in deep eyes from the moment she stepped into Jack’s.

Two sets of eyes widened as the door opened.

 _Laf was right_.

Plump red lips and chestnut skin and _damn, that dress_. Eliza must have walked, probably stumbled, to the table at some point because she found herself in a chair, studying those endless eyes from up close.

“Hi.”

And that was that.

 

Dolley had wrapped herself around James’ shoulders without any decorum whatsoever- she’d hopped from the bookshelf onto his head, lost her balance, fell to his shoulders, and was now clinging to James’ sweater for dear life. James did appreciate the warmth, however.

Thomas was at the library, sending frantic texts about _that crazy guy_ wanting some sort of very illegal and highly dangerous potion. A memory wipe. First Burr and now Hamilton- they were riding high.

Thomas had also texted about needing to feed soon, which meant a trip to The Ruby, which meant blowing literally all of the money Burr had promised.

Great.

He slunk across the room, the light tinging his skin where he clipped the edge of the sunset. James hated this time leading up to the feeding- the sun hurt and the kitchen suddenly turned into a mine field (was there garlic in that takeout or no?) and the cross collection on their neighbor’s door was now his worst enemy.

At least Thomas was there, although he did get pretty whiney the closer they got to the feeding.

James paged through his records. forty-hundred from Burr for that God-I-hope-my-wife-doesn’t-die potion and, from the looks of it, almost three thousand from Hamilton.

He found it almost hilarious that Burr, normally so stoic and unable to come to a decision on a deal, had left within the hour the other night. Thomas had indeed laughed at the mortal’s fear of imminent death- it was coming anyway, so why put it off?

But money was money and four thousand was a big shot to miss.

Dolley purred in his ear and James grinned, a finger pausing lightly over the figure beside Burr’s name.

What a catch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so how do vampires work here you may ask? about once every two months, a vampire needs to feed. otherwise they can just eat regular stuff, but without feeding (bloooooooooooooooooood) they will loose their agelessness and will start to look like their actual age which is NOT FUN. about a week before the feeding, the vampire will start to feel sensitive in the sunlight and around crosses and stuff. afterwards, they are back to normal. also, vampires who have mated will sync up. 
> 
> qotc: what activities are you all involved in?
> 
> aotc: theatre mostly, and then some law stuff and student government.


	10. Idk. Pt this is a rant/announcement

well. 

ive made a decision that was actually very hard but what I hope is for the best. as you all know, I love you all so fucking much. this past year or so has been an adventure and you guys have help make it an amazing one. so, thank you for everything lately and thanks for sticking around through my wild ride of a posting schedule and plot. 

so, long story short (for now), this fic is going on hiatus. this was a difficult ass decision for me bc I felt confident about the world building but the plot has really just evaded me. 

but, I feel like you guys deserve an actual explanation, so I copied a rant I sent to a good friend and put it here due to it being the only ramble of mine that makes sense. 

here it is (its long afffff):

 

I don't feel like my life sucks or anything and it's not like I'm horrendously busy or my home life is bad or I'm depressed or anything but lately I just feel numb and like nothing is real and that makes me just scared af.

like I had a phase in 6th grade where I had my Woah Death Happens realization and then everything kinda just spiraled downwards and I don't think I ever really got out of that and I've been having this weird moments lately where I just feel like I'm on the edge or something. idk I'm probably just paranoid but I feel like I'm going to die young for some reason which is my absolute worst fear. and now lately I'm doing things I love with people I love and school is fine, grades are good and I'm managing to successfully b.s. my way through literally everything but I feel like my perfect world is kinda slipping away.

I want to do something with my life and do all these things I've always dreamed of but I'm just really fucking scared that I won't be able to. and also I feel like I'm loosing Hamilton which was such a big ass part of my life for the longest time and it introduced me to internet culture and ao3 and so many communities I love but I'm just loosing interest? and I love love love to write these characters and interact with the familiars urls in the comments and read ham fanfic but I just feel like I can't write something id be proud of anymore. but that also makes me scared bc I don't feel like I'm involved in other medias I love bc the Victoria fandom is so small and I don't know much about star wars tbh and I really really really don't want to loose that community.

also America sucks the world sucks and I wish I lived in a fanfic. part of me wants to act like a crazy teen and dance like a slut a little and maybe let jackson [my slutty and rebellious friend] teach me how to blow smoke rings and ride a motorcycle but I also feel like I can't bc my mom can be stifling and my dad is uptight and I want to be a good example for my sister. also there's a lot of clear favoritism with the cousins and shit and that can be really annoying too. I just wish I had the money and the freedom to be who I want to be but I'm stuck with my annoyingly perfect family.

 

so that's the story. here's an abridged version of the more relevant areas:

basically I've lost my ability (??) to write ham stuff. god I love this community and the show but my passion for it and my dedication to my serious, multichaptered ham fics has just fizzled out lately. honestly, that scares me to death but I don't feel like I can be happy with myself if I continue to try and force something that isn't there. I'm sure you guys have noticed it here and in ragtfy too. 

also I wanted to say that I'm not putting this out here as a search for a pity party (never never good god) but rather as a solid explanation as to the contributing factors of this decision.  

in reality this is less of a "work going on hiatus" situation and more of a "I probably won't be writing ham anymore". 

youll see me around, lurking in comment sections and posting poetic shorts, but I'll probably be spending most of my time reading and vent writing (oh joy). catch me in the sw and Victoria fandoms btw ;)

so, this is my last hurrah. who knows: maybe a Hamilton movie will come out and I'll come crashing back in or I'll see the show but for the most part, I think this is a goodbye?? this ended up as a lot more serious than I thought it would be tbh but I'm just letting myself go for a minute here. 

if anyone wants to steal the verse, go right ahead. 

so I'll catch y'all around town, but this is my goodbye to ivy. 

thank you all so so so so much. 

 

[the curtain falls] 

 

<3333 from rosy 

**Author's Note:**

> pls ask questions so i can round out this verse! constructive criticism is encouraged


End file.
